Stress Loud, Survivorman

That Les Stroud is one bad-ass shut-your-mouth!  Love that crazy kanuck!  I can’t get enough of the show, Survivorman, even though it doesn’t film anymore.  All I’ve got is three measly seasons to watch at odd hours, like the infomercial wasteland in the middle of the night.

That dude deals with stinging scorpions, bears in the trees, lions on the prowl, yet he still takes the time to play the harmonica in his tent in the middle of nowhere.

I love the way he tells us the worst-case scenario for every situation.  “If you don’t set up your grass hut just right, the results… could be deadly!”

Then he’ll switch to that freaky green night-cam.  “Getting this fire started is the most important thing… because if I don’t… who knows what could happen!”

Dude, we get it.

One time, Les zoomed in his camera  on a biting ant, took his multi-tool, and cut it in half.  “That sucker’s still moving!  This biting ant is vicious.”  Excuse me!  Who cut whom in half? 

Les talks about things that don’t seem all that fierce, like what he called “feral sheep” (is this some Canadian phenomenon?) and an emu that can charge you and take you down.  Someone’s been visited by the Exaggeration Fairy!

Now that Survivorman is over, why not have the opposite?  Stress Loud, a guy who’s completely unprepared, has no survival training, and is tightly coiled so that he over-reacts to a lightning bug passing by!  He’ll get out onto the tundra and ask the camera, “do you think there’s WiFi out here?”  Discovery Channel, call me.  I’ll give you my pitch.


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