Noo Joizey ‘n’ Youse. Poifick Tuh-geddah.

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Governor Chris Christie is in the news today, doing a little “will he or won’t he?” dance with the media about entering the presidential election.  My prediction is that he won’t run yet, but will become a professional pundit during this election cycle, then throw his hat into the ring in 2016.

The governor’s mentor is former Governor Tom Kean, who had a decidedly un-Jersey accent.  He had a patrician New England dialect, and he famously made a commercial during his tenure to promote tourism in New Jersey.  “New Juh-zee and you, puh-fickt tuh-gethuh,” Kean said.  Comedians had a field day with this, since he sounded nothing like anyone from any part of the garden state.  But how do we actually sound?

I thought about it and came up with this breakdown.

North Jerseyans sound a bit like New Yorkers.

South Jerseyans sound a bit like Philadelphians.

Central Jerseyans are somewhere in the middle.

To describe exactly where we live to other Jerseyans, we say,”What exit are you?”  As in, on the New Jersey Turnpike.

Living in Jersey can also be very taxing.  To the tune of the highest per capita property taxes in the nation.  More Jersey lore in upcoming posts.

Rough Language/Gentle Message

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Not sure if anyone deserves anything – good or bad – more than the next person, but I will say this.  When good luck came, I appreciated the hell out of it.

I got “the hell” out of my own way.  Hell is when you focus only on the things you don’t want in your life and can’t see past them.

Heaven is fixing your gaze on what’s good and savoring it (AKA “praising God.”)

Stuck in that rut of sorrow and woe?  Get the hell out of it.  Better days are coming.

Healing Words

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Father, Mother, God,
Thank you for your presence
during the hard and mean days.
For then we have you to lean upon.
Thank you for your presence
during the bright and sunny days,
for then we can share that which we have
with those who have less.
And thank you for your presence
during the Holy Days, for then we are able
to celebrate you and our families
and our friends.
For those who have no voice,
we ask you to speak.
For those who feel unworthy,
we ask you to pour your love out
in waterfalls of tenderness.
For those who live in pain,
we ask you to bathe them
in the river of your healing.
For those who are lonely, we ask
you to keep them company.
For those who are depressed,
we ask you to shower upon them
the light of hope.
Dear Creator, You, the borderless
sea of substance, we ask you to give to all the
world that which we need most—Peace.

Maya Angelou

Anchors Aweigh

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Too much ballast can throw a boat off balance.

When you carry grudges and hurts, you become heavy laden.  Instead of being the Captain of the ship, you’ve turned into cargo.  Makes it hard to navigate.

If it’s too small to mention, it’s too small to hold in your heart.  Let it go and get back on course.

Writing Tip: Jurgen Wolff’s Time to Write Blog

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With e-books on the rise, are actual, in-your-hand, words-on-pages books going the way of the old Victrola?  In his article, “Writers:  Is This a Crisis or an Opportunity?” Jurgen Wolff encourages writers to change with the times.  Citing methods that artists and musicians have used to promote their work, Wolff suggests that writers must be open to new media and get really creative with their marketing.

Time to Write is one of my favorite writing blogs – I check it daily for tips about the craft of writing and the cheese of marketing.  And no, this is post is not sponsored by Kraft Cheese, even though I just subliminally planted the product name in your brain, and now you’re hungry.  Admit it!  🙂

Zombie Bunny

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There seems to be a lot of zombie movies lately. Have you noticed? Zombies must have great agents. They seem to be getting all the roles that used to go to vampires. Dja’ever wonder where those old vampires go to retire? Definitely not Boca.

Here’s further proof that zombies are proliferating, even taking over the jobs of fluffy little animals. I got the world’s first picture of a bona-fide zombie bunny. I’d named him Bun-Bun, till I realized he was a zombie. Now we call him Zom-Zom. Any better suggestions for his new zombie name?

That’ll Happen

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The light's on, but nobody's home.

Every time I hear about a company raising prices to reflect higher costs, I wonder why I’ve never seen this kind of letter coming at me:

This quarter, due to market forces, dumb luck and questionable accounting tactics, our company has made too much money.

Since we’ve historically raised the rates whenever the wind blew east, the stock market undulated, or the swallows flew back to Capistrano, we thought it was time to pay you back for all the times we’ve gouged you mercilessly.

Once we ran out of relatives on the payroll to give it to, we figured – what the heck? – we might as well send the surplus to our customers. So keep an eye out for it! The check’s in the mail!

The More You Know: Apostrophe Abuse

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And the fight continue's...

Apostrophe Advocate Group’s Fight for Grammar Right’s:  End Abuse’s of Grammar in All it’s Form’s.

This is a public service message from an Anonymous Apostrophe to all of the Facebook and HuffPo users guilty of excessive and incorrect use of this overworked and misunderstood part of speech:

You’ve been misusing me for so long, I’m planning my revenge.  I’m just going to leave the language altogether!

Is this what you really want, you people?  Stop abusing me, or I’ll go away!  Maybe even Ill go away.  Howd you like them apples?