That’ll Happen

The light's on, but nobody's home.

Every time I hear about a company raising prices to reflect higher costs, I wonder why I’ve never seen this kind of letter coming at me:

This quarter, due to market forces, dumb luck and questionable accounting tactics, our company has made too much money.

Since we’ve historically raised the rates whenever the wind blew east, the stock market undulated, or the swallows flew back to Capistrano, we thought it was time to pay you back for all the times we’ve gouged you mercilessly.

Once we ran out of relatives on the payroll to give it to, we figured – what the heck? – we might as well send the surplus to our customers. So keep an eye out for it! The check’s in the mail!

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