Mother’s Day Ode

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Relatives tell me I look a lot like my late mother (she would never have liked the term late, for indeed, she was always on time for any appointment).

While we do share some characteristics (like the patented “snort and cackle” when laughing – the snackle, if you will) and a penchant for saying to unresponsive teen-age ears, “Enunciate!,” I’d have to say we were not really all that similar.

  •  She spoke five languages.
  •  I speech wun (Inglich).
  •  She played Bach like nobody’s business.
  •  I play the radio like a professional.
  •  She was genteel and cultured.
  •  I am kinda like, from Jersey (she was too, but seemed less so, if youse know what’m sayin.)
  •  She was always in my corner and cheered me on no matter what.
  •  I was oblivious to her encouragement until it wasn’t there anymore.

Thank you, Lord, for the mother you gifted me with.  I hope she’s snackling up there with you, playing a fugue on the piano and sitting in that log cabin she always pined for.  God bless all the mothers, always in our hearts.

Cranky Pants and Coffee Cups

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On the news this morning, researchers announced that having four cups of coffee per day can reduce the risk of suicide by 50%.

Okay.

You sure it’s the coffee?

Could it be that, if you have time for four cups of coffee you’re not out working in a coal mine? That you have a desk, an office even, nice crisp white collar. You’re not out digging ditches. Your bills are paid (mostly) and you have a 401K.

Could that be it?

You sure it’s the coffee?

Could it be that people who are having four cups of coffee are usually doing it at a break room table with other people. I think this is referred to as “socializing” with “friends.” Some regard this as having an emotional support network.

You sure it’s the coffee?

But hey. You guys did the research. You got the government grant. You screened out all the other variables that might have an impact.  Right? So it must be the coffee.

Sorry about the sarcasm, good people. I’ve only had two cups of coffee this morning, so I still have my crankypants on. Talk to me two cups from now and I’m sure I’ll be right as rain!

Jersey News – Frankenstorm

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Peaceful autumn day here… leaves on the ground, brisk breeze in the air.  But wait!

There’s talk of a big ole storm coming our way!  “Frankenstorm” may be heading toward Jersey just in time for Halloween.  Is it hype, or will it happen?  Only time will tell.

Just in case, I’ll link to this post from last year – we were getting ready for Hurricane Irene and the authorities were suggesting we gather an “Emergency Preparedness Kit.”  Mine, of course, would include Entenmann’s cakes.

Irony = Detailed-oriented

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In today’s Actual Craiglist Gig, the ad seems fine, but two little words send it into the slush pile:

Come work for one of the most-visited portals on the web! We are looking for an experienced copy editor to support network channels, home page and the 24/7 News operation.

Responsibilities include checking headlines for accuracy and quality, finding errors in content, performing site audits and collaborating with writers and editors.

Candidates must have:
* strong copy editing background
* newsroom experience
* a passion for quality
* familiarity with AP style
* Available to work onsite 9am-6pm Monday-Friday

The successful candidate is an enterprising, detailed-oriented, self-motivated individual who is able to work in a fast-paced, technology-driven environment and prioritize multiple tasks.

Paparazzoo

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Sometimes when I visit the zoo, I get the sense that the animals are otherwise engaged.  They don’t seem thrilled to see me, even if I throw some bread crumbs in their direction.  And I realized, I’m like paparazzi to these creatures. They can’t help it if they’re lovely to look at and people find them endlessly fascinating.  They look bored, like models down the catwalk.  Oh.  Are you here again?  To gawk at me?  Oh joy.  Why don’t you just leave the bag of food and hit the bricks, pal.

Even the animals here have the Jersey ‘tude!

Jersey News: Husband of the Year

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In sickness and in health.  For richer, for poorer.  For better or worse.  But how about this one?  A man in West Caldwell loses a bet with friends and deliberately floods his own house.

See, Jason Brown owns a flood remediation company, so he set out to prove that he could make his home as good as new within days.  But he was shocked –  shocked, mind you! – when his wife left, taking the kids with her.

“I thought she’d be more receptive to this idea,” Brown said.  When the reporter asked, “Do you think she’ll come back?”  His answer was, “I don’t know.  It doesn’t look good.”  The look of genuine surprise on his face is what gets me.

You have to see this clip to believe it.  I’m not making it up!